fourteen | Entries tagged with she has a lot of feelings

[ When Xion arrived back home from a grueling month-long mission, the first thing she did was not check her journal. She headed home. Home, where Luke is. He'd been there, which was wonderful.

He'd also filled her in on all that she'd missed, which wasn't so wonderful. ]

It's scary, sometimes... how much things change. I missed so much while I was gone. I'm so sorry, everyone. I'm home now.

Sometimes, I feel like I've been here such a long time... maybe because it has been a long time. It'll be three years in November... won't it? I don't remember anymore when I got here... I'm pretty sure it was November. It feels like so long ago. Like lifetimes have passed since then. I've grown up so much in this place... and so many people have come and gone. [ Kairi.

A beat. ]

I'm sorry. I shouldn't be rambling like this.

We're starting to get some New Feathers in, right? My name is Xion. I work at the clinic, I'm part of the S.O.S Brigade, and I'm head of the Kyoshi warriors. If you ever need help, you can come talk to me. I'll do anything I can.

Um... I guess I have one last thing I want to talk about. I've got a lot of points now from going on missions... what do you guys do with your points? Or what would you do, if you had them? I sort of know what I want, but I guess I'm looking for other ideas, too.

Thanks, everyone.

[ Xion resolved to herself, today, to go see Guy. She hasn't gone yet, and is in fact still in the clinic with Luke when she decides she needs to do -- something. Anything. Though she can't imagine how much harder it is for Luke -- his original is dead, he's the one that's dying -- it's been crushing her, too.

And since she's planning to go see Guy, anyway...

At some point, she presses a kiss to Luke's forehead, tells him she'll be back later, and slips out of the clinic. She needs something to eat, anyway, and probably a shower. But on her walk home she opens her journal to ask something of the village, something she never normally asks. She looks and sounds very, very tired. Not sad, just ... infinitely weary. ]

Does anyone want to spar? I can do weapons, but I'd prefer hand to hand. I don't mind either way.

[ She pauses, opens her mouth to add something else, then lets it go and shuts the book.

A short while later, she writes something else: ]

( Sanji | Locked 100% )

I need to talk to you.

[ And then, finally, much later that day, long after dark and long after her talk with Guy, she reopens the journal to write out one last message. It's late at night, and she waits until Luke is dozing. ]

( Locked FROM Luke and Guy | 100% )

If you needed to cheer a friend up, what would you do?

I don't mean for a specific friend. I know there are certain things you can do for particular people. I just mean in general, I guess. If you just had to do something, what would it be?

Oh, um, please only write back. I'm - trying not to wake someone up.

[ Things have been kind of strange and hard and a little sad lately. It's been difficult at best to keep her mind off Axel, to keep from dwelling on the sheer fact of his death, and she's been working even harder than usual to keep herself distracted. Her hours at the clinic and her school work are sufficient, for the most part, not to mention her Kyoshi training, the SOS Brigade.... though the quiet hours of the night are very hard, especially with Luke still kidnapped.

But she does try, very valiantly, to keep her head up.

Besides, it's February now! And even with Luke still gone, there's something on her mind. For better or for worse, Valentine's Day is sort of their one year anniversary as a couple. Really, the week after was when they admitted their feelings to each other without experiment influence, but Valentine's Day was still the first time they ever said something.

The thought of the annual experiment makes her very nervous, since goodness knows who they might get stuck with!, but ... she wants to try to do something for him anyway. And she's hoping, against hope, that circumstances will let her do it.

So in the spirit of Not Being Sad, and also Doing Something Nice For Her Boyfriend, she opens the journal and makes a filter away from Luke, since she doesn't want him to find this when he returns. ... she filters from Asch, too, while she's at it, because that idea makes her feel kind of awkward. ]

( locked FROM Luke and Asch | 100% )

So, um ... if I wanted to write a song for someone, could anyone help me do it? I can sing, and sort of play the flute, but I don't know anything about actually writing music. And it's for a really special occasion, so ... I'd really appreciate any help.

[ A breath. THAT DONE, she has two more quick filters to make. ]

( Roxas | Locked 50% )

Hey, want to meet me in town to grab something to eat? Maybe even some ice cream? [ WHO CARES IF IT'S COLD ICE CREAM IS FOREVER. ]

( Ganondorf | Locked 90% )

Hey, I don't think--

[ ... that's strange. Did her filter just ... break?

... oh. That can only mean one thing. Well, maybe he'll get better once he's home? ]

( public )

For anyone who might be wondering, it looks like the man known as Ganondorf has gone home.

[ There is a girl in the village plaza who looks rather out of sorts as she sits on the ground, legs out to her sides, in a random sort of spot. She is kind of blank-faced as she stares at the other passers-by, with only a hint of confusion in her brow to betray how she's feeling.

Though it might be hard to see her face clearly under that short cape she's got on. It's black, with silver tassels. And though she's trying to watch what's going on around her, at the same time, it's like she wants to hide. But then, why isn't she moving away?

Maybe it has something to do with the carton of eggs on the ground next to her.

Though it probably has something to do with the fact that she now has white wings for arms. Can't really pick up a carton of eggs when you don't have hands, can you?

So the strange hooded girl with the feathered arms, at a loss, will just sit there for a while trying to figure out what to do.

God help you if you step on her eggs, though.

"'Poor little ugly duckling!" she would say. 'Why are you so different from the others?' And the ugly duckling felt worse than ever. He secretly wept at night. He felt nobody wanted him.

'Nobody loves me, they all tease me! Why am I different from my brothers?'" ]

(ooc; The Ugly Duckling, everybody. And yes, the pic is just a reference -- her feathers are actually white, not brown, and she's not wearing any other pieces of that costume. Cape, bird arms, and then her normal clothing beneath.)

[ It's been a long few days. Not nearly as long as it was for those on the draft -- a fact of which she is keenly aware -- but her heart feels so sore. Miyabi is dead, Kairi returned with a broken leg, Elicia reverted back to a little girl and left her that message that was so bittersweet... She feels a powerful need to find Nami and Sanji, to talk to both of them, but ... that ... maybe that should wait. Until she can look at them without crying... and comfort them, instead of being a burden. In the meantime, she needs to focus on something else -- actually put her energy into something useful.

An idea has been brewing in her mind for some time. And all of this mess -- all the pain and the fighting -- and Luke, coming to her just days before with a request -- has finally prompted her to act on it.

In her room there are quite a lot of books. They vary widely in subject, but there is one solid section dedicated entirely to medical texts, ranging wildly in their complexity. Teaching herself has been difficult; basic first aid is all well and good until you have to use it in an emergency situation, and anything beyond that...

Well. You just can't learn everything from a book. She knows that... has known for a long while she probably needed to do something like this. So when she opens up the journal, turning on the video function, she looks pensive.... but also quite serious. ]

Are there any doctors in the village who'd be willing to take on a student? I -- I know some magic methods of healing, but ... [ She shakes her head. ] I want to learn the real thing. I promise I'll work hard. Really hard. This means a lot to me.

[ A beat. ] And, if ... anyone in the village would like to learn some healing magic... [ She's already been teaching Haruhi, and now Luke. ] ... I'd like to help. I know some magic from my own world, plus I've got a lot of practice with Nala.

[ After that, a thought occurs to her. ]

( Draco | Locked 90% )

Can I ask you something?

[ Today, you are having a perfectly normal day. Perhaps you are on your way to the battle dome. Perhaps you're walking home along the path. Perhaps you're in the middle of town. Or perhaps you're heading further north.

If you're anywhere along this meandering south-to-north route, a young girl is going to slam into you at a full tilt. She's very sorry; she didn't see you there. But she's got this sense of absolute panic she can't quite shake, and she wants to get home right this moment.

In her disorientation, she has, of course, forgotten she can access magical portals of darkness. Forgive her; after all, she spent rather a long time here without them! And who wants to be messing about with the forces of darkness when they are too panicked to think straight?

Anyway, she may slam into you so hard that you both fall over. Or maybe she'll just knock you off balance. Either way, there is now a very startled, dazed, and still somewhat panicked teenager staring at you with wide eyes. She's barefoot, and her dress is dirty, but she seems otherwise alright. What will you do? ]

( Private | Locked 100% )

It's still hard to believe so much has happened recently. It feels like things haven't stopped since that experiment. That's just Luceti, though. Things are always like this. But I'm still not sure what I want to do. Or what I should do.

It's raining today. There's something really peaceful about it. I wish I could go outside.

[ There's a pause, after that, where she just looks out the window at the driving rain and sets down her pen. Coming home soaked probably wouldn't be the best idea... and she couldn't bring her journal out there. And she has things she wants to address, today... a lot of things have been on her mind. So, with a sigh, she'll set up a few filters, switching to voice as she does so. First things first... ]

( Ginko | Locked 100% )

( Chouji and Miyabi | Locked 50% )

[ There's another pause, after this. A pause where she sets her journal down, and gently pulls up over her head the chain she wears around her neck. For a quiet moment, she contemplates the pretty ring dangling from it -- with its blue stone, and its volumes of meaning. She thinks of Sanji's words.

Gently she lowers it into one hand, letting the chain pool in her palm, then picks the journal back up to address the populace at large. ]

( Open To All )

... what does the word "forever" mean to you? ... and I'm not talking about the dictionary definition. [ With faint humor.

( cut for tl;dr introspection/not cut ICly )

( Replicas (?) | Locked 100% )

... I hope I made this filter right. Only ... only replicas, or clones, should be able to see this. I wanted to know ... how many of us were out there.

[ "Us." She keeps her voice admirably steady, considering how terrifying this is to voice. But maybe ... just maybe, something good will come of it. ]

(ooc; Hideous, long post is hideous and long. Regarding the last filter! I'll leave it up to mun discretion if your character will fit under the filter. Obviously those termed Replicas or clones in canon will be able to see it, but for those of you who otherwise aren't sure, feel free to ping me on AIM at spark memories or just shoot me a PM. ALSO I WOULD LIKE TO ENCOURAGE THREADJACKING IN THE REPLICAS FILTER BECAUSE WHY NOT. GO NUTS.

Also: will be working on my outstanding threads, I promise. >>! I just needed to get this up. also again, THIS IS BACKDATED SO HARD.)

[ Xion's always had this thing for dreaming. Although, back home, it was memories... memories and meanings she couldn't understand. Dreams of the ocean and the sound of waves, dreams of a boy in red...

Her dreams are so often memories. After all, what is she but memories? Just a doll, made to live off of the memories of a boy like some kind of parasite. But now she has memories all her own... so many of them. And she dreams about those, too.

They aren't always good dreams. Sometimes they are dark and full of blood.

It's a shame she fell asleep with her journal on the covers -- because when she wakes up, shooting up into a sitting position with a shout, the journal of course falls open and records her cry.

Nothing can be seen -- after all, the room is dark. But the sound of her panting breaths come through -- the only sound, for a moment, until she gathers herself enough to sigh. ]

Come on, Xion, get it together.

[ And she'd been having an easier time getting to sleep, too, after all the help everyone had given her...

Somewhat reflexively, she'll scoop up her journal as she gets out of bed, temporarily cutting off the feed. However, it's only a few moments later that the journal is reopened -- still in darkness, only barely leavened by the moonlight drifting in through the window. However, there is a new sound.

Xion is ... singing.

Bits and pieces, at a slower tempo, of a song that someone once played for her. Of course, there are no words, but her voice is actually ... kind of sweet, and soft, floating and tumbling between the notes. It goes like this for a few quiet moments, with some other soft sounds in the background as she gets some water.

And when she turns around, she will realize the journal did not stay upright where she set it, and fell open. Again. Of course. SIGH. Oh well. She'll move over to the table and sit, lightly tapping on the page that's been recording her. ]

... is anyone even awake at this hour? And I guess... well, if you heard me ... what's your favorite song?

(ooc; actually, pretty tired! gonna hit the hay. tags tomorrow! oh, and I'd imagine this whole thing went down... somewhere around 4 AM. ps her voice, with bonus ironic lyrics.)

[ It's a very, very exhausted Xion who is now finally home safe and in bed after a long day. Being returned from a death penalty removal only to end up in a vicious fight with your once boyfriend can take a lot out of a girl.

She and Riku had healed her up as best they could, agreed to tell no one, and left it at that. It was the best they could do, to try and keep the peace. Peace they both desperately needed.

Though now she was home, and warm, Xion found she could not sleep. Her deeply aching arms did not help matters. They'd have to be looked at -- hopefully by someone who didn't know any of her friends...

With a sigh, she starts up a voice post. ]

Hey, guys. I'm back. [ weak smile. ] Sorry for taking off like that.

[ ... okay, this isn't working. she needs ... she doesn't know what she needs, but she doesn't want to be alone right now -- and it'd almost be too risky to go find someone else in the household. if she let slip the truth....

it has to be someone else. (and definitely not Sanji.) it doesn't take her long to decide who. ]

( Luke | Locked 100% )

... hey. How are you feeling? [ if you're still sick she is not gonna bother you 8|

after a beat, she'll add the following for the general population, because it will probably come up later in the night, knowing her luck. ]

( Filtered away from the KH cast | Locked 80% )

So... if you couldn't sleep, what would you do? To try and get to sleep, I mean. Though I guess I wouldn't mind knowing how you'd pass the time, too...