No, I -- I don't want to die. [ she sounds tortured. ] I don't know. I don't ... it would be easier, but I ... I couldn't, not really. I'm not sure I could even really want it, if I was faced with it.
[ her voice drops into something fainter. ] My friends... they wanted to believe so badly there was another way that I started to believe them too. So many people, even strangers, insisted... I really wanted to believe them, so I ... I kept trying ...
[Heh. Sanji's bitterly reminded of himself, the promise he made - to find a way to save her. Xion had said then no one could help, and while he never said it out loud, he hadn't believed it.
Was it honorable? Or just selfish, when she has to bear the weight of all that crushed hope?
There's probably no shitty answer that'll make either of them happy]
Even strangers... [He's reminded of Vash immediately, and shoves that thought away]
Yes... when I asked for ways to cheer up, a couple of people guessed something was wrong, and complete strangers were offering me advice and comfort... [ she gives a weak laugh, remembering. ] Fenimore was really nice. She didn't press me to find out why I was asking. And Vash... [ she stops there. you were on the money, Sanji. ]
... an apology for what, caring...? No. If anyone should be apologizing, it's me. All I had to do was turn away when Sora gave me his Keyblade. But I touched it, and ... this is the price I'm paying for my mistake.
... Vash? [That quiet, sympathetic tone? Is gone. Replaced by steel. Sanji can just imagine all the shit he might've said and promised a girl who was giving into her fate.
He's a friend of mine. [Who might be in a lot of shit]
And I know how that shithead is. Going off about everyone living together in harmony, without death or destruction or violence. There always has to be a fuckin way with him.
[ yikes. she picks up on his anger and is suddenly hesitant. she doesn't really know what to say, because ... as much as she could tell Vash was trying to be nice, what he said hurt, especially since she had to promise she'd keep trying. that part still hurts, especially now. but at the same time.... well, Xion's just going to hedge. ]
He was just trying to help... he didn't know, Sanji. He cared... it just...
[He barely hears her. Fuck, does Vash know Xion will be killed? If so, the chef can bet he'll be around, insisting no one hurt her, that there has to be another way.
That arrogant, piece of shi--
...
Deep, deep breath. Then release. He's trying to calm down. Very rarely does Sanji reach this level of rage, and this isn't the face he wants to show Xion now]
I apologize, Xion-chan. For whatever he said to you.
And I know the idiot tries to help, but a lot of times he just makes shit worse.
Xion makes a tiny noise, an wounded sort of noise, but it's quiet and escapes her on a sigh. That's the only indication she'll ever give of how badly what Vash said hurt her. ]
Any other time it would have been nice to hear... Oh, Sanji, I even got into an argument with Roxas, because he was still insisting he was going to try and fix it. I feel like I'm letting everyone down.
[Quiet, but Sanji still hears it. And he knows he and Vash will have to exchange words sometime in the near future.
Hopefully by then he'll have more to reply with besides a foot in the guy's face.]
... It's the same for him, too. Feeling like he's letting you down. [which is just a guess, but hell, Sanji feels the exact same way] This shit's hard on everyone.
... I had to tell everyone... Sora, Riku, Roxas, Axel... you, Sokka, Draco... and Vash. Hugo, too, while ... he was still here. And I still need to tell Riku-- Riku's Replica. [ and she pauses as she really realizes how many times she's had to tell that story. just thinking about it exhausts her to the point of tears, not to even mention telling it again. ]
Okay, Sanji. Thank you so much. I feel like I'm always in your debt. [ but she says it with the tiniest bit of fondness. ]
[ she laughs. it's kind of incredible that she even can, and the sound is full of all her pain. but he got her to laugh and smile, and that means more to her than she could ever say. ]
[ right now, honestly, Xion is left with a decision. her inclination is to avoid Sanji as much as humanly possible after this, right up until the fight, because that might be easier on him.
But is that really what's easier on him, or is it what's easier on her?
She hesitates hard. This goes against all of her instincts to just run, to take the easier route, and she's so uncertain if this will be worse for him or not, but... ]
Maybe... in a day or two, I'll come by, and ... see you.
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[Voice] 1/2
He does know what that means.
The silence ticks on because he doesn't know what to say yet]
[Voice]
... Alright, I'll tell 'em.
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But for everyone's sake, he needs a ballpark figure.]
How much longer?
[Voice]
[ this she says rather blankly. which is morbid, considering what they're talking about. ]
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What are you thinking? [not a question he'd normally ask, but he needs something to work with, too]
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I want it to be over, so all of this stops hurting.
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Or wait til the end?
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[ her voice drops into something fainter. ] My friends... they wanted to believe so badly there was another way that I started to believe them too. So many people, even strangers, insisted... I really wanted to believe them, so I ... I kept trying ...
[Voice]
Was it honorable? Or just selfish, when she has to bear the weight of all that crushed hope?
There's probably no shitty answer that'll make either of them happy]
Even strangers... [He's reminded of Vash immediately, and shoves that thought away]
Maybe we all owe you an apology, huh?
[Voice]
... an apology for what, caring...? No. If anyone should be apologizing, it's me. All I had to do was turn away when Sora gave me his Keyblade. But I touched it, and ... this is the price I'm paying for my mistake.
[Voice]
He can't even focus on her so-called mistake]
[Voice]
Do you know him?
[Voice]
And I know how that shithead is. Going off about everyone living together in harmony, without death or destruction or violence. There always has to be a fuckin way with him.
[Voice]
He was just trying to help... he didn't know, Sanji. He cared... it just...
[Voice]
That arrogant, piece of shi--
...
Deep, deep breath. Then release. He's trying to calm down. Very rarely does Sanji reach this level of rage, and this isn't the face he wants to show Xion now]
I apologize, Xion-chan. For whatever he said to you.
And I know the idiot tries to help, but a lot of times he just makes shit worse.
[Voice]
Xion makes a tiny noise, an wounded sort of noise, but it's quiet and escapes her on a sigh. That's the only indication she'll ever give of how badly what Vash said hurt her. ]
Any other time it would have been nice to hear... Oh, Sanji, I even got into an argument with Roxas, because he was still insisting he was going to try and fix it. I feel like I'm letting everyone down.
[Voice]
Hopefully by then he'll have more to reply with besides a foot in the guy's face.]
... It's the same for him, too. Feeling like he's letting you down. [which is just a guess, but hell, Sanji feels the exact same way] This shit's hard on everyone.
[Voice]
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They're my crew, Xion-chan. And if this takes some strain off you, them finding out from me is a small price to pay.
[Voice]
Okay, Sanji. Thank you so much. I feel like I'm always in your debt. [ but she says it with the tiniest bit of fondness. ]
[Voice]
Maah, it's what friends do. [srsly, girl. He'd offer even if you hadn't asked] No need to keep a running tab.
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I can always give you another lesson!
Not that you need help on say, cookies.
[Voice]
I'd like that, Sanji.
[Voice]
Is there anything else you need? [pause]
Maybe a visit?
[Voice]
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Alright. If you need anything else later, Xion-chan knows where to find me~! ♥
[Voice]
But is that really what's easier on him, or is it what's easier on her?
She hesitates hard. This goes against all of her instincts to just run, to take the easier route, and she's so uncertain if this will be worse for him or not, but... ]
Maybe... in a day or two, I'll come by, and ... see you.
[Voice]
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Sleep well, Xion-chan. [or as... well as you can.]